i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
