ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
