the day after is always just damage control
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
