Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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