I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
