well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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