The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
