I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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