she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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