I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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