the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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