If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
