Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
