i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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