he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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