My room smells like vodka and shame
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Randomize
