My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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