on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
