I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
