my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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