Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
