why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
