Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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