You just made me feel so damn special
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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