His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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