The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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