just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
