Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Houston, we have a squirter
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.