Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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(804): View more from Virginia

it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

(508): View more from Massachusetts

how many servings is brandon's dick?

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(650): View more from California

We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

(562): View more from California

You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.

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(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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(903): View more from Texas

Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.

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(586): View more from Michigan

All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together

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