So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
