so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
