I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.