I got chris browned last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.