tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
