I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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