I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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