dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
