Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
