Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
