So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
