She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
