So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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