They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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