i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
