ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
