HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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