I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
