my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
