Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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