No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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