I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.