I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that's an acceptable place to lick
time to smoke my breakfast
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
