5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
