It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
