never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
