Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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