He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
