The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
