I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
barbara walters just said penis...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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