ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm at about main and main street
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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