i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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