I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
