I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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