Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
