My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
