it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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