I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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