Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
