There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
