we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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