I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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