Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
