I just saw a hot homeless man
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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