Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
two words: eviction party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
